


I Almost Do

by littlebell_captain



Series: For The People [1]
Category: For the People (TV 2018)
Genre: F/F, Littlebell Endgame
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-24
Updated: 2019-04-24
Packaged: 2020-01-25 22:31:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,210
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18583921
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/littlebell_captain/pseuds/littlebell_captain
Summary: Right from the beginning, the two women are set up in a duality. Messy and organized. Idealistic and pragmatic. Defense and Prosecution. But rather than moving away from the other, they went the opposite way, getting closer and closer the more they fought to the death in courtrooms, in a slowly unraveling but undeniable revelation that they are far more alike than they are different. So, what happens when they collide again?





	I Almost Do

**Author's Note:**

> Context: In season 2 episode 7, Sandra Bell found herself having to choose between being loyal to her client and doing what is morally right and reporting something that will harm her client but may save someone's life to the authorities. While her best friend (Allison Adams), trusted boss (Jill Carlan), and the guy the show wants us to ship her with (Ted 2.0) is standing in the next room, debating whether or not to go talk to her, she vanishes, leaving an iconic pack of florescent post-it note flags for Allison to find, who picked it up, and smiled, knowing that Sandra had made her decision and gone to the AUSA office. She went to consult Kate Littlejohn, her most worthy opponent, who she has indirectly admitted as "the best" (in her profession) once to Leonard Knox while in court earlier in the same season. But Allison was wrong and so were we, in that moment. She didn't go United States Attorney's office. She went to a park, set against the backdrop of a sparkly New York skyline, and had previously texted (presumably) Kate Littlejohn to meet her there, making sure to bring her a pretzel as a thank you. They have been in three cases together prior to this one. In the first, Kate told Sandra the story about the Capitol, revealing more about her life in one episode to her opponent than she had ever done to everyone else combined in all previous episodes combined. In the second, Sandra told her a story about sneaking into hotel pools with her dad when she was standing, as the two woman leaned on a hotel room balcony, in the middle of a sting operation. In the third, Sandra asked Kate for a favor, to prosecute a sitting judge, a favor Kate agreed to, and a trial she wins. (I would like it to be noted that Kate has hugged one person in this entire show and it's Sandra after That Trial.)

On her way back to the office after going to the store with Sandra so she could buy Clue, the receipt still in her hands, the blonde prosecutor sighs. That conversation took so much out of her. It was a honor to be trusted by the fiery public defender, her most worthy opponent, a legal genius undeterred by her raging emotions, but God it was exhausting. Knowing what to say was easy, sitting with Sandra in a park after sunset as the New York City lights twinkled in the towering skyline was something close to magic and an absolute breath of fresh air so different from the monochrome boxes of her office and the imposing grandiose of the Southern District Court of New York. What was difficult was imagining what Sandra was going through. It was worse than when Roger Gunn gave her that case she didn't agree with but she would have taken anyway. It was worse by infinite degrees. This was not about doing one's job. It was about one's very moral compass, the philosophical foundation of who Sandra is. Kate would not want to be her right now under any circumstance.

She knew that the news finally reached her office when Leonard walked in and asked, "How did you convince her?"

She answered honestly. "I didn't." After a moment of hesitation, she elaborated, "We just ate a pretzel." She could sense Leonard's internal confusion. It made no sense out of context, but she wasn't going to offer any. That was personal, private. It's between her and Sandra, the same way the Capitol building is, the same way the DC story is, the same way hotel room balconies and taking an one-hour break is.

So when Leonard asked what LEGOs she had, she didn’t offer the Capitol.

They sat, building the tower, sunlight inevitably reflecting on its windows halfway across the world in Shanghai. As long as it wasn't raining, of course. But regardless, it's morning somewhere.

The entire time, her focus flickered away from the project, unlike normally when her concentration was so focused it was difficult to break her attention away from the little plastic pieces in her hands. It didn't shift to Leonard, radiating warmth and comfort from behind her, working in sync with her to raise the ceiling of the towering skyscraper. She liked him, she even liked-liked him, but he wasn't a distraction to her. She was almost unable to be distracted by romance, not when she was a teenager, and not even now.

No, she wasn't thinking about Anya either, even though she is the exact same height Sandra would be if Sandra didn't wear heels every day of her work life. (Kate would know. She did the math right after Sandra hugged her that first time and shockingly fitted perfectly into her shoulders. There was no way the fiery ball of golden brown hair was that tall.)

Although, maybe she should be thinking about Anya, more than she is. It's not that she didn't think about the ATF agent, or that she isn't heartbroken over their breakup. It's just that it wasn't meant to be, and it hurt less because of the fact. Anya always liked her more. No matter how attracted Kate was to Anya, or how nice it was to wake up next to her every morning, or how how good of a kisser she was, it wasn't right. It couldn't be right. Anya would always love her more, and Anya deserved better than that. That's not real love. It's a chess game. They both deserved better.

And Leonard didn't help. Leonard leaving made her realize that her heart wasn't ready for, or deserving of, Anya. And she couldn't be in a relationship with someone if her heart was that torn about someone else.

Not that that became anything. Leonard chose Texas. He would always choose Texas. She would always be his second choice. And Kate Littlejohn will not be anyone's second choice.

No, Leonard isn't right either. He is barely principled and only conveniently so. He is changing, and learning, and becoming more self-reflective and aware, but he is light years away. He would always do things that not only toe but bulldozer over the line, fall off the moral high ground, break the code of ethics. That's not a person Kate could ever be in a relationship with, even if he is frustratingly attractive and clearly likes her and their chemistry is off the charts.

She could be his friend, his colleague, but not his girlfriend. Not until he gets to a place where he can be with her and not break apart when her light reflects on his every crack. Someday, he will find someone. Someday, he will find himself. But not today. And she isn't that someone. Not today.

After Leonard leaves, Kate finds herself holding her phone in her hands, looking at it intensely, before deciding to put it down.

Do not be emotional, Kate Littlejohn. She thinks to herself. Do not let your emotions govern you. Do not act upon impulse. And no, Sandra doesn't want to hear from you right now. You are the last person that she would want to speak to after she betrayed her client and still didn't save a life. Because you knowingly told her she was allowed to be herself, allowed to follow her own intuitions of right and wrong, allowed to stop being the professional attorney she is one-hundred percent of the time.

Somewhere across the street, Sandra was on her office couch, in tears. Allison gave her a gentle rub, a gesture of comfort. In the doorway, before she left, she looked back and said, "I love you, Sandy. I'll be home." That helped. She needed that reminder that her best friend still loved her, supported her, and would be waiting for her when she is finally ready to leave her office. But she needed more. She needed different. She wanted someone else to analyze every move she made and her motives why, convince her through reason that she did the right thing when her every emotion and worst crippling fear was saying otherwise. She wished people would stop telling her that she did the right thing and start telling her that they know why she feels like she made the worst mistake of her career, and the second worst mistake of her life.

It's not going to be Allison. And certainly not Ted. Maybe Jill will. Maybe. But even that's unlikely. In such a moment of vulnerability, her boss wouldn't say something to risk hurting her favorite employee, sending her deeper into her spiral.

She wished Kate would tell her exactly what she was feeling. She thought about calling her but stopped herself before she even reached out for her phone. Kate has no room for her loss. She knows Kate Littlejohn well enough to know she wouldn't ever celebrate this victory, or any victory for that matter, with very few exceptions. But still, it is a victory for the prosecution. There is no air for Sandra's despair. Not today. Not now.

Back in the AUSA's office, it took everything in Kate not to call Sandra, and every time she doesn't, she almost does.


End file.
